This Smells Like Gwyneth Paltrow's Bumhole Scented Candle

Ever wondered what Hollywood royalty’s rear might smell like? No? Well, too bad, because now you can experience it in all its artisanal, ethically sourced, hand-poured glory. This candle isn’t just a conversation starter—it’s a conversation ender. Infused with notes of smug self-satisfaction, organic kale, and just a hint of Oscar-winning privilege, it’s the perfect gift for anyone who enjoys a good whiff of the absurd. Handmade with only the finest wanky ingredients, this candle burns slow—just like the realisation that you’ve spent twenty quid on something so utterly ridiculous. Light it up, breathe deep, and pretend you, too, can afford a lifestyle curated by overpriced wellness nonsense.