Sun Burn T-shirt

It's smiling.

That's the unsettling part.

Every year it's the same routine. Clear skies. Gentle warmth. Everyone lying there thinking "this is nice, I deserve this." Two hours later: agony, regret, a back that looks like a fire hazard, and a Boots receipt for aftersun you should have bought beforehand.

It knew.

It's always known.

This isn't weather. This is a multi-billion-year-old ball of nuclear fire that has been quietly plotting your specific ruin since you packed factor 15 instead of factor 50 and decided that was "probably fine."

It's said as much itself, in writing, underneath its own smiling face:

"I'm gonna burn all you motherfuckers."

Honestly, fair enough. At least it's upfront about it.

Wear sunscreen.

Wear this shirt.

Ideally both, because one of these provides UV protection and the other does not.