Mardi Bastard T-shirt

Fed up wi’ lookin’ approachable? Sick o’ folk smilin’ at yer in Asda car park? This revolutionary garment lets the world know tha’s a right moody sod — but wi’ continental glamour splashed across yer chest.

As worn by:

• Blokes stood outside snooker clubs in drizzle, smoking like they’re auditionin’ for a European arthouse film.
• Aunties who’ve had one too many limoncellos on holiday in Scarborough.
• That lad Kev who once went Magaluf an’ never shut up abaht it.

Customer Reviews:
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
"Eee, soon as I put it on, milkman stopped askin’ me how I were — result."
- Brenda, 62, Pontefract

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
"Bought it fer mi husband. He wore it down t’pub, now landlord calls him ‘El Bastardo Grande’. He loves it."
- Sheila, 54, Rotherham

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
"Finally, a shirt what matches mi personality: miserable yet alluring. Even mi whippet respects me more."
- Gaz, 38, Halifax

Order NOW and receive:
✅ One (1) T-shirt o’ pure Mardi power.
✅ A free sense o’ superiority ower yer mates.
✅ The ability to walk into a room an’ instantly lower t’morale (but in style).

⚠️ WARNING: Side effects may include dramatic sighing, stormin’ off in a huff, and unexpected sex appeal.