Singonyms: Never Gonna Give You Up T-shirt

Imagine a shirt so powerful, so unreasonably committed to linguistic elegance, it gently whispers to grammar itself: “I will not ever forsake you.” This is a wearable ode to Rick Astley’s eternal promise - translated by a Victorian butler who took a thesaurus hostage.

This is no ordinary band tee. This is a portal. One glance at the carefully arranged alternative lyrics - “shall at no time bring you sorrow” - and you are transported to a parallel universe where music videos are written entirely by 19th-century poets in powdered wigs.

This shirt does not simply say Never Gonna Give You Up. It solemnly vows eternal companionship in the King’s most elaborate English, as if love itself were on formal trial and Rick is both the judge and the choir. It’s cotton. It’s soft. It’s unreasonably dignified. And it absolutely refuses to abandon you, make you cry, or deploy contractions.

"I will not ever forsake you, shall at no time bring you sorrow, nor will I stray and leave you behind. At no time will I cause you to weep, bid you farewell, or speak falsehoods and bring you pain."