Roland T-shirt

A shirt that makes absolutely no sense and yet explains everything. Here, in gloriously misaligned cosmic harmony, is Roland from Grange Hill, eternally frozen somewhere between Year 8 and the fourth dimension, hovering above a suspiciously familiar, very serious-looking logo that absolutely does not belong to a well-known maker of musical gadgets. It’s as if the universe itself asked, “Why?” and then immediately answered, “Because it can.”

The image radiates the quiet chaos of a school corridor at lunch: uncertain, majestic, and slightly sweaty. And there, echoing through the cotton like a benevolent prophecy, is Janet’s immortal line: “I only want to help you, Row-land.” She says it, but we all know the situation is already far beyond help.

Wearing this t-shirt will not give you power, fame, or an ability to play synthesizer solos (probably). But it will make people look twice, then question their entire reality.