Byker Grove: He Cannae See, Man! T-shirt

Byker Grove, 1992. PJ is two-timing two girls at once. The girls, being reasonable people, arrange a paintball match. PJ, being PJ, takes his goggles off.

Splat. Yellow paint in both eyes, mouth wide open, a scream that’s still echoing round Newcastle. And his best mate Duncan, who watched the whole thing happen, delivers the line of the decade.

He cannae see, man!

Nobody wipes his face. Nobody fetches water. The camera just zooms in on every face in turn while a lad screams in the middle of a field. Peak children’s telly.