Big Fat Duck Gift Card

Emergency. Code Red. You’ve forgotten every birthday this year and your reputation as a competent human being is teetering on the edge of oblivion. Stop. Breathe. Email them a gift card. £10, £25, £50, £100 - it lands in their inbox like a digital miracle, screaming, “I panicked, I Googled, I bought this at 3 a.m., and somehow it’s fine.” Cash could never compete with this level of honest incompetence.